MindfulVision

My tribute to life with all its curiosities and miracles


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What if?

I was walking along a little trail today, when I noticed a dove sitting on the ground. It wasn’t until a girl walked up to it with gloves though that I realized it was injured and couldn’t move. “Can’t fly anymore”, she said and told me she was bringing it to the woods nearby so it can get some peace and nature can take its course. “Or can you take it to the vet?” she asked me. “Well, I do have a car”, I replied but felt some hesitation come up at the same time.
I guess she could feel that, too, as she didn’t respond but approached the scared bird carefully and picked it up instead. Now I could see the broken leg. Poor little guy. “This is breaking my heart” she said, “but I’ll let it find some peace now.” “Sadly this is also a part of nature’s way”, was all I could say in return, still debating internally if it was my responsibility or even my right to intervene. “Goodbye” she said to me, speaking for the bird, before she walked away. It was sad. I was sad. I thanked her, said my goodbyes to the little bird, while blessing it and sending love and light.

As I walked off I still didn’t know if that was the right decision. It didn’t feel quite right but taking it to the vet didn’t feel right either, otherwise I would have done it. I was already on my way to someone I am currently taking care of and honestly wasn’t ready or willing to take on any further responsibilities. What if I had taken it to the vet? What would have happened afterwards? Who would have taken care of it? Who would have paid for it? Writing this I realize that compassion doesn’t ask what if questions. Compassion doesn’t ask questions period.

But who’s to judge if just bringing the bird to a peaceful place to die wasn’t the most compassionate thing to do in that moment? Who’s to say if it wanted to be saved at all? Maybe it didn’t even want to be moved? It didn’t say: “Could you please take me to the woods?” And it didn’t say “Could you please rescue me and take me to the vet?” either. We don’t know and all the girl and I could do was act upon our intuition and do what felt right for us in that moment based on how we experienced the situation. May you rest in peace little birdie.

We tend assume that whatever is broken needs to be fixed. However, sometimes broken stuff doesn’t need and doesn’t even want fixing; sometimes it’s much healthier to just let it die peacefully…as harsh as that may sound…people, animals, relationships, (self-)concepts, illusions… Unfortunately this is one of the root causes for guilt at the same time. “I could have done more or something else. I should have done more or something else.” Aren’t we all familiar with these voices in our heads?

I am shushing you now and for good guilty voice! This is my official commitment and conscious decision to let my shoulding guilt die right now! Fixing it or keeping it alive is no longer serving me, in fact it never was and probably never will be. It just took me a while to figure that out 🙂 Regarding the bird I did what I could in that very moment and so did the other girl. And sometimes not acting is the best action we can take as long as we are respectful of everybody’s needs including our own.

It’s so easy to forget our own needs, to ignore our inner voice and the signals our body and mind are sending us, when we are busy trying to help others. However, a broken you can’t be of much help either way. Not for yourself and even less so for others. As much as I keep wanting to save the world I’ve come to accept that I can’t and that it’s not my responsibility either. But what I can do and am responsible for is to take care of, change and save myself. And what if that might actually be my contribution to saving the world?

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Life is what happens…

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while you are busy making other plans… I’m wondering if John Lennon actually knew how much truth this sentence really holds. At least for me, as there is no better way of putting into words what’s recently going on in my life and also in the lives of many others who are dear and close to me.

When I logged on to my account today I saw in my notifications that MindfulVision turned 1 a few days ago…and I was too busy to remember it myself. I feel terrible for having forgotten my “baby’s” first birthday. Of course I wasn’t planning on buying a cake and gifts anyway but I didn’t want to just let it pass unnoticed either. This blog is important to me and I started it with a clear vision, a mindful one. And here I am a year later too mindless to even pause for a moment to celebrate and remember it’s birth. I apologize to my blog (and to myself) and just put a reminder in my calendar so this won’t happen again.

Okay, but let’s get back to the original topic. There have been many reasons that kept me busy, worried and distracted and required my presence and attention, which eventually led to other people, events and things not receiving the attention they would have deserved (e.g. my blog’s b-day). I don’t want to go into much detail about all the unexpected events and twists and turns. After all I still have that book project on my mind and might use some of the stories for that 🙂 However, I do want to share some of the valuable lessons I learned from them:

  • Family and friends are priceless!
  • I can’t control external factors, people and their reactions. But I can control MY reactions to whatever happens.
  • Always be grateful for what you have right NOW.
  • Just because I currently can’t think of a solution that doesn’t mean there isn’t any.
  • ALWAYS trust your gut feeling!
  • NEVER assume to know what another person might want/think/need.
  • Happiness is possible even in difficult situations.
  • Always be aware of and honor your boundaries, values and needs.
  • Be grateful for LIFE!
  • Sometimes a simple smile makes all the difference.
  • Authentic and compassionate communication is the key.
  • Always speak up if something doesn’t feel right.
  • The truth might hurt – a lot. But holding on to illusions will eventually hurt a lot more!
  • Miracles do happen!

There is no way I could have imagined a year ago what life had in store for me in the past 365 days. And even today I have no clue what’s going to happen a year from today or even tomorrow. But I do know one thing: I will keep making plans. And if life happens to interfere with my plans again, I am prepared to sail with the winds. I survived the storm before and I sure will again! And what’s the fun anyway if I’d know exactly what’s waiting for me next 🙂

 

 

 


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Snail Mail

photo-8A few weeks ago I went for a walk when this little snail crossed my path. It caught my attention so I figured it had a message for me. At the time I didn’t really know what it was, however, I took a picture as a reminder. Everybody knows that snail mail tends to take its time so I was willing to wait for its message.  And today, at 4:04 AM to be exact, it was finally delivered by Insight Express – and it even came with free shipping 🙂

At times life can be chaotic, hectic, unpredictable, exhausting and challenging. That’s what I’m currently experiencing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining because although I am facing a lot of challenges I am also learning incredibly valuable life lessons along the way. And one of them is finding my own pace and attitude toward all these challenges, changes and  demands.

As long as I can remember I used to pride myself on being resilient beyond belief. I took on whatever came my way just because I wanted to prove (mostly to myself) that I can do it. Limits and boundaries were an unknown and it didn’t even occur to me why anybody would need them. I don’t remember ever turning down a favor or a task that I was asked for. I wanted to be supportive and I am sure I was but more than anything else I was boosting my ego by taking on everything that came my way. What seemed like one of my biggest strengths at the time turned out to be a weakness in disguise.

I was so busy taking on more and more responsibilities, projects and favors that I forgot to take care of one of my core responsibilities: self-care. Each electronic device needs frequent recharging to keep running. My computer currently shows 11% remaining battery life and I already get nervous. Why is it so hard to take care of my own battery?

Life sent a not so gentle reminder my way! I was facing multiple very challenging situations at once and finally hit a point of emotional and physical exhaustion. An unknown feeling for me until then. I was irritated and really didn’t know what to do with it. And although I was very tempted to keep pampering my ego by ignoring the signals I didn’t. Instead I paid attention and made a conscious choice to slow down and adjust my pace. Life is a cycle so I know that there will be times when I am back to my energetic and active self. However, this version of me will be much more effective when rested and fully recharged. As we know partially charging doesn’t serve any battery life 🙂

So here’s the essence of my snail mail wake up call: Even if  it takes a little longer to reach a destination that delay is still better than collapsing at the finish line!


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Embracing the VOID

With aloha!A lot of changes have been rumbling through my life lately. An inner urge was calling me to take a trip to Hawaii recently; I listened and set out to look for that “life changing thing” I was hoping to find along the way. Although that ONE thing I had hoped for did not cross my path, many other things kept happening, allowing for a smooth transformational process that I didn’t even realize happening until it was already complete. One that has brought wonderful blessings my way and still continues to do so. While traveling I received messages regarding my purpose, finally allowed myself to see and hear my own truth and to live in alignment with my values, needs and integrity for myself. Never before have I experienced so much clarity about who I really am at my core and what it is that truly matters in my life. Embracing my roots as a strong foundation for authentic self-expression.

And this is where I am now: totally FREE but puzzled by the realization that literally EVERYTHING is possible now! But what does that mean? Sure, I said this many times before – to myself, to friends, to coaching clients. But this is it: endless possibility and I am blown away. Excited, puzzled and confused. Wow, I never knew how challenging it is to really embrace the option of endless possibility without getting trapped in any sort of self-imposed limitations!

Little did I know when I set out on the quest to myself  that it would also lead me to the hardest thing I ever had to do: letting go of  love – for love – for now. I did. It hurts. A lot. Yet it was inevitable and all I can do for now is trust that this is happening for a reason. You can’t lose true love. You might not share your life any more, but that deeply rooted connection at soul level will always be there. And suddenly the concept of endless possibility entails so much more. I am always capable of love regardless of location or the physical presence of my loved one(s). My capability of love is ENDLESS. Of course it is wonderful to be with the one(s) you love. This is not possible for now but I am free to love endlessly anyway. And I do. Always. Letting go of everything to enter the VOID – the only state of mind that allows for endless possibilities to emerge so we can truly experience what “everything is possible” really means.


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From grumpy carpe diem to happy camper

Today is one of these days that I am extremely grateful for being alive. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s pretty awesome to be alive every single day and stating and appreciating that is actually a part of my daily meditation. However, today was special – for no particular reason. Just an ordinary Saturday except for my mood, which was surprisingly bad for a day without plans, obligations or stress. I woke up way too early after a restless night and after going to bed too late in the first place. I was tired and grumpy!

About two hours after I had dragged myself out of bed I was ready  to hit the couch and call it a day. But for whatever reason I got dressed instead and left the house. At that point the carpe diem voice inside my head seemed pretty determined to make the most out of this day. I decided to just go along as I was too tired (and still grumpy) to fight it anyway. After grocery shopping and a little walk I called my mom to see if she wanted to get some coffee – luckily she did. We had such a good time chatting, giggling and laughing and after our first round of coffee we ordered a round of drinks. I had to be 5 o’clock somewhere at that point 🙂 What a fun time we had…and on a little side note: love you mom!

After we left the café I wanted to go home, fix some dinner and finally keep my coach some company. But apparently the inner carpe diem brat had other plans again and it seemed to be controlling my car: instead of making the turn leading to my house the car just kept driving – and  I surrendered. And this was when the magic happened. Once I stopped expecting a certain outcome and taking things for granted, openness stepped in and my eyes and soul were able to see and experience each moment fully. Carpe diem me had taken over – completely! Whenever I got to the end of a road I followed my intuition and took the turn that was “pulling” me. My intuitive GPS was taking me to places I didn’t know existed: beautiful houses, scenery and hidden treasures! And the entire time I kept thinking: How in the world is it possible that I never noticed any of this before???

CaipiBy the end of the day carpe diem me decided it was time to take myself out to dinner. I ended up in a nice (and up to this point also unknown) Brazilian restaurant with a delicious plate of dried cod in palm oil and coconut milk and a caipirinha in front of me, chatting with the Brazilian-Portuguese-African waiter, got a drink on the house after I finished eating and just sat there and enjoyed the music for a little while longer thinking: I am a truly great date 🙂 Thank you life for proving me that you are  stronger than my moods and that we never know what the day might have in stock for us!